Ocean's Twelve Review

Ocean's Twelve will perhaps be my last official 2004 paid-to-see-it-in-the-theatre movie. I should have taken my $9.50 and bought a Starbucks Eggnog Latté and a fancy cookie.

Aside from Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and George Clooney looking good enough to eat (think expensive Starbucks cookie), I surprisingly found myself bored throughout many parts of the movie. It's not that I found the movie's plot difficult or hard to follow. I just felt kind of sleazy and voyeuristic watching these entire well-know actors getting paid to have the time of their lives at the movie-goers expense. I felt ripped off with their crazy, sexy cool bravado because they forgot all about entertaining me and were more interested in entertaining themselves.

The French thief was mildly interesting, but that's probably because I haven't seen such flawless and strong cheekbones on a man in a long time. You will appreciate his agility and expertise when stealing the Faberge egg, but I guarantee that all you’ll be thinking about is how he could have been one dangerously phat break-dancer back in the 80’s with all his gymnastic moves. Did I mention he was French?

I realize I'm sparing you the tedious details about why Ocean's team is back together again, but really what's the point? You got Brad Pitt in shiny designer shirts and sunglasses that accentuate his very kissable lips...so that's about all you need to know. The very annoying Julia Roberts has a comical turn as Tess pretending to be Julia Roberts about three quarters of the way into the movie, but I couldn’t focus too much on her comedy because I was sucked into the void of her dangerously large horse-like mouth. Brad Pitt wins the kissable lips category because Julia looks like she could use a heavy duty dose of collagen to keep up with his delightful smackers, but I digress…

Overall, Ocean’s Twelve was a very disappointing movie. But I’m so happy for all of them because they got to travel to Europe and have a really great time making this movie. Good for them.

Note: Here's a virtual shout-out to the guy who was sitting behind me who couldn't take it anymore and yelled out, "Shhh! Will you please shut up? We're trying to watch a movie." It was the 10:00pm show and a couple sitting in my row talked throughout the first half of the movie until this brave soul decided to shout at him. It was quiet after his outburst and I silently thanked him. I'd never have the guts to shush anybody in a movie theatre because you never know what could happen to you for trying to make strangers act decent. But the guy behind me luckily wasn't as timid as I would be and thanks to him I got to see the rest of the movie without the second-hand chatter.

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