Personal Ads for the Home

There should be personal ads for home appliances, don’t you think? Mine would go something like this:

MWF seeks vacuum with a sexy Dyson-like canister and the suction of a Shop-Vac. Attachments helpful, but not necessary. Enjoys full range of motion, Berber carpeting, Pet hair and a carpet-fresh feeling. Email [email protected] if you can handle our potentially whirlwind OCD relationship mixed with dander, cobwebs and an occasional thumb tack. Bag optional. No Roombas!!

MWF seeks black refrigerator with double doors, ice-making capabilities and adjustable shelving. Must be 33” in width and can handle Lean Cuisine meals, pints of Ben & Jerry’s and the occasional frost-bitten pork chop. Alphabet Magnets and grocery lists welcome.

MWF seeks front-loading washer/dryer that can handle the love of a denim comforter and go with The Tide. I’m not fussy-white and colors OK. Must be able to handle plastic lingerie holders, lint ball devices and the occasional smelly footwear. Wide Loads welcome.

Well, you get the point.

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