Rachel-Just Eat the Whole Damn Donut!

Dear Rachel,

It's awesome that your everywhere pimpin' the Dunkin' Donuts coffee because I love their drinks. They are, as you say, DELISH!

But you need to know how SICK TO DEATH I am of your holiday commercials. You're turning me into a Grinch. Just drink your Vanilla Spice Coffee and shut up about it. Stop sharing your Christmas memories with me.

Do you honestly expect viewers to believe you "...split a ginger bread donut..." with your mom while you both are out holiday shopping? Just eat the whole damn donut! Live a little.

I wonder if you had any influence with the marketing team that came up with that commercial because you didn't want people to think you were letting yourself go because of all those petty tabloid reports about your ballooning weight due to a troubled marriage? Did you say to them, "Ummm, better let me say I shared the donut with my mom. Christmas is the season for giving, right?"

I respect your right to be marketable and you probably can't help those big posters hanging from the ceiling in all the Dunkin' Donut coffee shops. But can I ask you a favor? Can you put your power behind the strangely absent-from-the-menu Dunkachino and see if they'll consider bringing it back? I bet they would listen to you. Remind them that you're the spokeswoman of the mighty Ritz Cracker!

As Uncle Ben told Peter Parker, "With great power comes great responsibility". I think after all you've done to annoy me, you could at least try. Just put some of those Rachel Rayisms to good use. It might sound something like this:

"You Guys! How about bringing back that delish awesome Dunkachino? It's really Yum-O!"

If anyone can bring back the Dunkachino, you can. No go get 'em Sista and don't forget to eat the whole damn donut next time you and your mom are out shopping.


Kim Perry

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  1. I hate RR and am SO SICK of seeing her giggling puss everytime I turn on my tv. The half donut thing pisses me off to! Like seriously? Who eats HALF A DONUT!?!

  2. Anonymous3:36 PM

    I think she's a closet lezbo! Rachel munches more than donut holes, if ya know what I mean.